There was a time in my life when I sought worth and validation from everything the world said would satisfy. In Christ, I have found hope, joy, and peace. He’s shown me that I already have all I need in a relationship with him.
I was raised in a small town and started going to church at an early age. I knew about Jesus and believed that he existed and was God’s Son. That childlike faith led me to accept Christ at seven years old.
I also grew up knowing my dad was sick. At an early age, doctors said my dad had a couple of months left to live and recommended he get everything in order before he died. By the grace of God and two kidney transplants, we got more time with him, but I lived as if I could hear the clock of my dad’s life ticking.
I believed that if I was good enough and followed the rules, God would let me keep my dad. My life and relationship with God were very performance-based. I worked hard and excelled in school, sports, Bible drills, you name it. Everything was a competition, and I was going to win. My life would continue this way through my sophomore year of college, which took me to Hong Kong and the Philippines.
During this time, I served as an intern in a student ministry and volunteered with an orphanage. I had just finished a trip to the orphanage when I got a phone call that my dad was sick, and it was time for me to come home. I thought if I was serving the Lord, He wouldn’t take my dad. As I spent the last three months of my dad’s life being his primary caretaker, I realized all my efforts couldn’t save him.
When he passed, I felt like I didn’t get what I thought I deserved. I felt like God didn’t hold up his end of the bargain. If God wouldn’t give me what I thought I deserved, then I’d go find it in the world.
If the world said it would satisfy, I tried it. I spent years searching for something to fill that void. But there was an emptiness that no amount of money, cars, status, friends, or anything else could fill.
During this time, my mom also became sick. I watched as her body grew weaker and her faith grew stronger. As I cared for my parents in their final days, they both possessed the peace and hope that I had been searching the world for. I had gone from taking care of orphans to becoming one myself, and nothing the world had to offer was going to help me.
I used my dad’s death as an excuse to run from the Lord, but the Lord used my mom’s death to expose the lies of this world and bring me back to Him. He showed me there is no lasting satisfaction, joy, or true peace found in anything this world offers.
I had reached mountaintops the world said would satisfy, and I still felt empty. Yet at my mom’s funeral, I had peace that surpassed all understanding.
Today, by the world’s standards, I’ve never had less. But I’ve never felt more joy, peace, and contentment because I have all I need in a true relationship with the Lord.
Living without my parents is hard on a daily basis. There is a sense of aloneness because those important people are no longer in my life. I think about future milestones and life events where there will be empty seats where I wish my parents were sitting. But I know that the Lord is a Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5) and that he is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Now, I get to experience the ways he brings other people into my life to fill the gaps through faithful friends and a church community.
When I began thinking about ways I could serve at Watermark, I remembered serving in a prison ministry during college. I had a family member pass away in prison, and now I have another family member currently incarcerated, so Watermark’s Prison Ministry really stood out to me.
I’ll never forget one event where we all sang “Praise You Anywhere.” There is a raw honesty in a worship service with 150 incarcerated people gathered in a chapel praising the Lord. It was surreal getting to experience praising him in the “anywhere” of a prison. I went in thinking about what I had to offer, but received so much more than I could ever give.
Through this ministry, I get to see God’s mercy, grace, justice, and so many unique aspects of his character on display. Our choices have different consequences, but the same God is sovereign over all of them. I’ve learned that we are all prisoners to sin, and only God can set us free.
Through ministries at Watermark, like Prison Ministry and Equipped Disciple, I am continually reminded that God’s love isn’t something I can earn or deserve, but a gift freely given. God never promised us a life free from pain or struggles; quite the opposite. He said, "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world (John 16:33).” The things of this world will never satisfy; only in him is true hope found.
Learn more about Watermark’s Prison Minsitry and serving opportunities